DEALING WITH DIFFICULTY PERSONALITIES?

Can you recall the last time you had to deal with a negative or difficult person? Or the last time someone said something with the intention of hurting you? How did you handle it? What was the result? What can you do in the future to get through these situations with peace and grace?

It is true that wherever we are going we will face people who are negative and who will oppose what you think it is right.

The question here is that how can we handle negative situation when it happens? I know some will just say I don’t let it bother me, Simple and clear.

My personal question is that Why we need to be careful when we are dealing with negative people or negative issues?

It is very true that “Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The only person we hurt is ourselves. When we react to negativity, we are disturbing our inner space and mentally creating pain within ourselves.

I’ve learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a reflection of their inner state expressed externally and you just happen to be in front of that expression. It’s not personal, so why do we take it personally? In short: Because our ego likes problems and conflict. People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to take others down with them.

Have you noticed that when we fight back, it feels really satisfying in our heads? But it doesn’t feel very good in our soul? Our stomach becomes tight, and we start having violent thoughts?

Rarely can any good come out of reacting against someone who is in a negative state. It will only trigger anger and an additional reactive response from that person. It is true that the angrier our thoughts become, the angrier we become? It’s a negative downward spiral.

I’ve found that once I allow negativity in one area of my life, it starts to subtly bleed into other areas as well. When we are in a negative state or holding a grudge against someone, we don’t feel very good. We carry that energy with us as we go about our day. When we don’t feel very good, we lose sight of clarity and may react unconsciously to matters in other areas of our lives, unnecessarily.

They have the right to express their own opinions and we have the right and will power to choose our responses. We can choose peace or we can choose conflict.

We are humans after all, and we have emotions and egos. However, by keeping our egos in-check and inserting emotional intelligence, we’ll not only be doing a favor for our health and mental space, but we’ll also have intercepted a situation that would have gone bad, unnecessarily.

·        “What is it about this situation or person that I can seek to understand and forgive?“

·        Wait until you’ve cooled off before responding, if you choose to respond at all.

·        Ask “Does it matter if I am right?” If yes, then ask “Why do I need to be right? What will I gain? “

·        Let’s stop the cycle of negative snowballing and sell them short on what they’re looking for; don’t bother responding.

·        Stop giving it energy, stop thinking about it, and stop talking about it. Do your best to not repeat the story to others.

·        Try putting yourself in their position and consider how you may have hurt their feelings. This understanding will give you a new perspective on becoming rational again, and may help you develop compassion for the other person.

·        Regardless of how negative a scenario may appear, there is always a hidden gift in the form of a lesson. Find the lesson(s).

·        Negative people can be a source of energy drain cut them out by avoiding interactions with them as much as possible. Remember that you have the choice to commit to being surrounded by people who have the qualities you admire: optimistic, positive, peaceful and encouraging people. As Kathy Sierra said, “Be around the change you want to see in the world.”

·        When we practice becoming the observer of our feelings, our thoughts and the situation, we separate ourselves away from the emotions. Instead of identifying with the emotions and letting them consume us, we observe them with clarity and detachment. When you find yourself identifying with emotions and thoughts, bring your focus on your breathe.

·        Avoid discussing divisive and personal issues, like religion and politics, or other issues that tend to cause conflict. If the other person tries to engage you in a discussion that will probably become an argument, change the subject or leave the room.

·        In dealing with difficult people, don’t try to change the other person; you will only get into a power struggle, cause defensiveness, invite criticism, or otherwise make things worse. It also makes you a more difficult person to deal with.

Lowering your expectations of people will make you more comfortable with difficult people, but you still must be able to manage them. Dealing with difficult people forces you to practice self-discipline. This is the practical wisdom of James 1:19-20: "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God" 

The Bible gives us some practical guidelines for managing difficult people. The first are found in Matthew 18:15-17 and Ephesians 4:15. Both of these passages instruct us to confront difficult people privately and in love. Take the initiative; but in doing so, be sure you are fair, firm and friendly.

Therefore Putting all this together, the way to deal with difficult people is to love them, pray for them, expect to give rather than to receive, maintain a humble spirit, and relate to them in patience and kindness. But more important is the need to pray for the Spirit’s power to change our own hearts and minds toward the difficult person and enable us to see them as needing the same love, grace and mercy that God extended toward us. Jesus even forgave the men who were going to kill him, as related in Luke 23:34-39. The way to deal with difficult people, then, is to imitate Christ’s humility and love. That kind of response is both edifying to us and pleasing to the Lord