We often become emotionally
disturbed during a disagreement, or an argument, and our personality usually
feels hurt, demeaned and in danger. Hence we destroy our own happiness, clarity
and health and often behave in ways which we later regret.
The other person might be
correct in his or her observations and criticism. In this case we would benefit
by admitting it and making the proper adjustment in our behavior. We have
everything to gain by listening and evolving through others comments. What
prevents us is the belief that we are not lovable if we are not perfect. Thus,
we do not want to see or admit our faults. When we realize that we are worthy
of love and respect even when we are not perfect or right, then we will be able
to look at our faults.
The other person might be
wrong. In this case, it is his or her projection, and we need not be affected
by these misconceptions or projections.
One solution would be simply
not to react in one way or the other at first, but to reflect upon what has
been said for some time so as to evaluate whether or not it is true.
We need not feel hurt, angry,
defend ourselves, prove ourselves, or attack.
We can simply thank the other
for this feedback and tell him or her that we will think about this observation
and will gradually come to our conclusions, and if necessary, make changes.
Although it is hard but we
should view the situation as an opportunity to look within and be our own judge
How we can go about handling such situation?
The golden rule here is that; Stay
Calm: When people criticize you and say something that is totally unfair, focus
on staying calm and not emotionally reacting to them. Don’t allow the situation to escalate and
suck you in deeper because that will make your honest evaluation of their
criticism and the return to your peace of mind takes longer.
Don’t be negative about the
person; Find a way to Have Good Thoughts About he/she. Think 5 good things
about the person who criticized you.
A good advice is that Survey
Yourself Do all you can to see things from their perspective and ask yourself
if there is anything you could have done better. Be open minded and honest while doing this
exploration. It is okay if you can see
some truth in what they are saying. It
just means this is one of those times you get to learn and grow.
Despite someone arguing against
if your ideas are true, the Truth Trumps reflect on the fact that you have
followed your own truth and done what you know is right. There is nothing better
than that.
Criticism becomes a reaction of
disappointment, because their expectations in others have been crushed.
The Christian’s tongue should
never be used for anything but good. “Let no foul or polluting language, nor
evil word, nor unwholesome or worthless talk (ever) come out of your mouth; but
only such speech as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others,
as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give
grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it” (Eph. 4:29 The Amplified Bible)
How criticism should be handled according to the Bible?
When we make the wrong decisions we
must accept our mistakes and apologize. The way we handle criticism is crucial.
As Christians we must not become defensive or react in anger. We are called to
be patient and wise when we deal with
disagreements and conflict. We must listen carefully and respond lovingly. Our
response to criticism must be done in a godly manner. As Christians we must
accept our mistakes and trust God to set things right
Wait for your gut
reaction to pass before doing anything; let your emotions disappear, so you don’t take the
criticism personally and become defensive
Keep your mouth shut; listen, don’t defend
Discuss the person’s points; keep discussing the issue politely by asking questions
and externalize the criticism more between the parties.
1 Peter 2:23
- When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
Joshua 1:9
- Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Proverbs 15:1-2
- A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.
Colossians 3:13
- Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Therefore criticism is part and parcel of
our life given that;
If no one is criticizing you, you aren’t doing very much.
Criticism is a fact of life; the more you try to do, the more
significant your efforts, the more you will be criticized.
Criticism is crucial for
personal improvement; it’s hard when we take it personally.
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